Secrets Read online

  I wanted to make him come, I wanted to make him lose total control, and worked my walls around him, to stroke him from the inside.

  “Alayna.” Daniel drove into me, over and over, his cock knew exactly what it wanted and it was in heaven in my playground. His fingers gripped at my hips tightly, the stab of pain a distraction, but the oh, what’s that, kind of good distraction. It focused my brain, gave me something to focus on, I felt the muscles of his flat stomach tense when I reached behind me to grasp at his testicles. I found that spot just behind them, the one I’d discovered earlier in the week, and pressed it.

  “God, fuck, Alayna!” He protested but then he gave a grunt of satisfaction as his balls sent his orgasm through the tip of his cock and straight into me. He filled me with his come, and I nearly lost it when he spoke again

  “Fuck, do it baby, take it all!” I danced faster on his cock, my back arching as I moved. He wanted it, he needed it again, and I let my pussy swallow every last drop he gave me, my body greedy for all he had to give me.

  I looked at Daniel as he let me up at last and saw the wonder that was there. It was always there, I just didn’t understand it. I knew it was him that made me feel the way I did, I knew it was something about him, and it didn’t confuse me. He always looked as if the pleasure I gave him was an unexpected, wonderful gift.

  “I want a long hot soak in that jacuzzi, before this trip is over Daniel.” I decided to tease him and headed back in the direction I knew the bathroom must be.

  I wanted him to join me, but he was still sitting there when I turned back to look at him in expectation.

  Daniel turned his head and looked at me, his smile a little wobbly, but soon gained strength to grin back at me.

  “Can I finish my dinner first?”

  I went still because the urge to laugh had almost turned into a sob. I was in love with him, I knew that now. Totally in love, and totally, absolutely fucked. Wolves don’t fall in love with outsiders. It just wasn’t done. Fuck!

  9

  I’d lounged in the tub for an hour, and had then fallen asleep in bed with Daniel, completely content to be in his arms and nothing more.

  His fingers were between my thighs, they’d worked down into my folds and had been there a while, if the ache there was any indicator.

  “Coffee, tea, or me my sweet?” His wicked grin was somehow sweet, but I couldn’t tell him that because a particularly good swipe of his finger sent a bolt of oh my God through me.

  “You, Daniel, you.” I craned my head to face him, my eyes sought his out. This was a rare treat, to get to wake up to his face, his fingers buried in me.

  He hummed in happiness and kissed my neck before he focused on what he was doing once more.

  I wasn’t fully awake, and it was a dreamy experience to have Daniel pleasuring me in the early light of dawn. I let my hips swirl around as they chose, a pattern that followed Daniel’s, and gasped out my pleasure.

  His head came down, pushed the sheet from my breast, and I watched, enthralled as his teeth clamped around my nipple tightly. He didn’t do it to hurt me, he did it just right, just how he knew I liked it. His teeth grazed at the tender flesh before he swiped it with his soothing tongue. Need burned through every part of me, I needed to be his again, a part of him.

  “I need you, Daniel, make the ache go away, please.” Daniel was ready for my plea, his own body more than ready to appease me as he nudged my thighs apart.

  It was like he knew that my plea was for far more than sexual gratification. I needed him to make me forget my past, and the fact that I had no future, not with him. Love for him swelled in my chest as he kissed me, and tears stung at my eyes. I needed him for so much and I had no idea how much longer I’d have him.

  “You’re so beautiful, Alayna.” He swiped the tears from my eyes and kissed each one. “I want this to last forever.”

  “Hush, Daniel. Just love me baby.” I said it gently, but he knew I meant it. We didn’t have a forever.

  “I love this.” We surged together, and he slid into me with a sigh of pleasure. “I love this so much.”

  What he meant was I love you. I heard the words as clear as day in my head. I looked up at him in shock. I’d heard his thoughts. That was impossible. He was human, I couldn’t hear their thoughts. Only those in my clan. Or my fated mate.

  I forced that thought away, a human could not be my fated mate. Very few of our kind found their mates, in this world, and that was even before our numbers dwindled. It was rare, so rare we’d begun the tradition of arranged marriages long before cars were invented and electricity. I’d escaped that life, not to find my mate, but to find some peace within myself and to escape the fate my father planned for me.

  My mate would have been a good one, but I’d wanted more from life than to settle. So far, I’d done far better for myself than the life I was supposed to have. I’d just fucked it all up and fallen in love with a man that was married.

  Something about that moment changed me, it changed how I looked at it all. Daniel loved me, though he hadn’t admitted it out loud. This was more than a fuck to him, this was love. I’d fought off the question of how could he do this to his wife, but now I had my answer. He hadn’t just lusted for me, he’d fallen in love with me. That made it far more complicated, and it made me ache even more for him, but I knew I’d never be able to say no to him now, mate or not.

  He pulled the sheet over us and made the world a place of white light and passion, and there was only Daniel, only our sighs as we shared ourselves, body and soul, one last time for that weekend.

  I tried to memorize every single moment about our stolen morning. I would need it later, when he went home to her later today, when I was alone next weekend.

  I ran my fingers through his hair and watched the way the light made his hair sparkle, I adored the scratchy feel of his beard darkened jaw. I’d never seen that, because he was always shaved when I saw him in the morning. He hadn’t got to that part yet. I stroked his jaw with my hand, enjoying the way my skin rasped against his.

  I memorized the way his shoulders bunched as he thrust into me, the way the light danced on his tanned skin, and the way the light exposed every shifting expression on his face as he thrust into me. I stored it all away for the hours, days, and years after we left this place.

  My brain finally shut up when he pulled my hips up to a tilt that would let him thrust deeper and he held me tightly, his grunt of satisfaction at the better angle a sound that pulsed straight through me.

  I loved his grunts, I loved the way he touched me, moved me, to make it better for both of us. I felt that first pulse of warning go through me as he grunted again and tilted his head, my body pulsed again, an attempt to grasp him and never let go. He was on the edge, just there.

  “Let go, Daniel. Come for me, baby.” I urged him on, gave him permission, and let go of my own control at the same time. It wasn’t my words that made him let go, it was my cry as pleasure rocked through every part of me. He let himself follow, and I gave a low laugh of dark delight. He couldn’t resist me, he had to come, he’d lost his control, and I knew it by the way he drove into me frantically. Or maybe he was just as desperate and afraid as I was. Afraid that this might be the last time we ever had this.

  I felt hopeless, terrified, but so in love. I’ve never felt so in love, never. Not even with her, the one that nearly broke me when she left. Daniel gave me that, but I knew, eventually Daniel would take it away. He would go back to his wife, and I’d be alone.

  I had to hold back a sob and turned my head away as grief poured through me. He caught his breath, he hadn’t noticed my distress yet, and I wanted to keep it that way. I wiped at my eyes as I held him against my chest and tried to sniff quietly.

  “I don’t ever want to let you go, Alayna. Don’t ever make me walk away.” His words were a whisper, I wasn’t even sure he actually said them. He held me beneath him and let me cry without a word. He knew what was wrong, and he knew I wouldn
’t talk about it. Eventually I fell asleep again, but he woke me before long. We had to get ready to go and I had to slip out without being seen.

  I’d brought a change of clothes with me so I put those on, just in case anyone saw me. I could say that I’d come to make sure Daniel woke up for the trip home. Daniel tucked the other set into his bag, I’d get them back tomorrow at work.

  My morning tears were gone, and we laughed as we both worked to make breakfast. We started to kiss about the time I put biscuits into the oven, and we nearly burned them before I remembered what we’d been doing.

  “Come back to my house later,” I asked simply. I meant far more than that but pretended I didn’t with the words I chose.

  “I can’t, Alayna, I have some event or other to attend. I don’t even know what most of this shit is for.” He grumbled the rest to himself. He knew I didn’t want to hear about his other life. The one he should be living, the right one.

  “Oh, okay, no worries. I’ll just teach myself to knit or something.” I glossed over my disappointment and began to eat. I smiled at him as we cleaned the dishes up, and pretended I wasn’t hurt. I kissed him one last time before it was time for me to go.

  “I’ll see you tomorrow, Daniel.” I promised, before I headed to his door. I looked back with one last smile.

  “I look forward to it, more than you know.” For some reason his voice broke as I shut the door. I think that’s what broke me.

  I was in stupid love with him. Well beyond head over heels, I was stupidly in love with Daniel.

  I’d hidden it from myself long enough, I’d known it, but I’d tried not to admit fully. I could control myself, I could handle this, but now it was plain for me to see. I loved him, and I never wanted to let him go. That was unfathomable. I ran to my bathroom and leaned over my sink, a loud sob split the air. How could I let this happen? I was so fucking stupid!

  I called myself so many names, so many hurtful names, and knew them to be true. I’d fucked up royally, I’d known it was a mistake and I’d blindly gone into it anyway. I’d committed one stupid mistake after another, and worst of all I fell in love with a married man!

  I swiped at my face, brushed my teeth, put up my hair, and checked the cabin one last time. I’d barely spent any time there at all, but I wanted to be sure before I left. It also distracted me from my own thoughts. I grew restless once I’d done that, so I went out to the bus just to be around other people. Rebecca was already there, and I walked up to her with a smile.

  “How was your night?” I wanted to hear the reason she had that smile on her face.

  It wasn’t hard to figure out as I looked at the man next to her. From the way she clung to Etienne, a rather stunning specimen of a man we worked with, I figured it had gone better than expected.

  “Alayna! Oh my God, guess what? We are going to come back next weekend, Etienne has arranged it already!” Rebecca all but gushed, her happiness acid on my already raw soul.

  I smiled through my pain and gave her a conspiratorial wink but her innocent joy, her perfectly acceptable joy at her newfound life, hurt me deeply. It was an accusation, a condemnation, though she didn’t even know it.

  I went to the back of the bus once the doors opened, slumped down in the seat and put my knees up on the back, the way I used to do in high school to discourage anyone from sitting beside me, and hid in my solitude.

  I hoped the others hadn’t noted I wasn’t at the bar last night. Maybe, if they had, they’d think I’d gone somewhere else instead.

  Dread filled me as the tires of the bus brought us closer to New Orleans. I wanted to scream at the driver to stop, to take us back, but I couldn’t. I had an empty apartment, and a lonely night, that waited for me. The only things that would embrace me in my dark hour.

  10

  I was the last person to get off the bus, only Daniel and the driver remained. I waved a cheery goodbye, and basically ran to get off of the bus and away.

  He looked confused and a little hurt, when I glanced in the window at him, but I kept up my pace.

  I didn’t blame him for this, well not the part where I fell in love with him. He could have, should have said no, but he hadn’t.

  We both knew full-well he was married when this started, it wasn’t like he’d hidden it from me. I was the one that fell in love, I was the one that broke the “this is only fucking” nonverbal rule I’d made for us both.

  If I’d really read his thoughts, and not just imagined that, he’d fallen in love too. That wasn’t how any of this was supposed to go.

  I stood in the doorway to my condo, my head bowed against the metal panel. I didn’t remember the drive home, but I’d made it here safely at least. I didn’t want to open the door. I knew what was in there, loneliness.

  I took a deep breath and pushed the door open. Hazy, dim light broke the gloom, but it did nothing to cheer up the space or to make the air fresh. The weather hadn’t changed to cold yet, but there was always the chance of rain, so I’d left the windows shut. It was dead inside my apartment, with no signs of life.

  That’s when it hurt the most, when I walked into my empty apartment, alone. I had no time for anything but work, I’d focused on that. I didn’t have time to care for and love a dog, so I hadn’t got one. I just didn’t have time. That hadn’t stopped me when I started this affair, and maybe it was easier because it was a work affair. That didn’t ease my heartbreak, though.

  I was heartbroken and alone, so a lot of good this had all done me. I didn’t want to be alone, so I texted April. As I waited for her to respond I opened up the email I’d ignored for the last 24 hours. One caught my eye. An agency that had heard about my talent at digging through information to find the truth. They wanted to talk to me about a job. I’d had more than a few job offers since I started working for Daniel, but I’d ignored them all. This email said they’d offer me even more than Daniel paid me.

  I’d never wanted to leave, but maybe this was a sign from the universe…get out while you still can. I bit at my lip and thought it all over as I stared at the emptiness around me. I had no future if I kept this up, I’d end up grinding myself into a shadow of myself.

  I made a decision and sent out a reply before I could change my mind. I accepted the offer on the spot.

  April responded a moment later, with an offer of her Netflix password and a huge bucket of my favorite ice cream. That made me smile, I wasn’t completely alone then.

  Then I sent an email to Daniel. I gave him my two-week notice and told him I had to end it. I didn’t elaborate, I just put the words as succinctly and plainly as possible in two lines.

  I waited patiently for April to arrive, with my phone now off. I didn’t sob, I wouldn’t allow myself to, but my eyes told me to get fucked and leaked anyway. This would be painful, it might even kill me, but if I made my way through it, I might actually have a future. It was just too bad it wouldn’t include Daniel.

  11

  “Alayna, please, let me in and talk to me.”

  He’d been out there for quite a while now, someone would notice soon. Why wouldn’t he just go away? I had to fight with myself not to get up from the couch and let him in. Tears burned down my cheeks as I took a deep breath and waited for him to leave.

  “Alayna.” The way he said it, as though his heart was broken, and he was about to die from it, finally snapped my will. I ran to the door, only with the intention to demand he go away. I paused, took a deep breath, and opened it.

  In an instant I was in his arms.

  “Don’t this Alayna, it hurts too much.” His words were soft, a whisper, and held little strength. I’d reduced a powerful, self-assured man to this broken shell.

  I steeled myself from his hurt, I had enough of my own to deal with, and looked him in the eye coldly.

  “Why are you here? I thought you had something important to do tonight?”

  Two hours had passed since I’d sent that email, and the text to April. She’d been called into work so
had to leave, but I’d been busy downing the ice cream she left when Daniel showed up at the door.

  I’d sent the email to him with the idea that I’d have to face him the next day, not an hour or two later. I thought I’d have time to build a wall that wouldn’t crumble like a grain of sugar dropped into the ocean, but there he was, doing ocean type things to my little grain of sugar.

  Daniel stared at me, still in my doorway. “Did you really think I’d just ignore that? That I’d just shrug it off? Alayna, I care about you and this isn’t a game for me. What’s happened? What made you do that?”

  “It’s not that hard to figure out, Daniel, is it? I’m just your side chick, your mistress, whatever you want to call me. We have no future, and I can’t live with that anymore. I just can’t.” My words were flat, cold, and precise. I didn’t want to be cruel to him, but the reality was, he’d never leave his wife, and I really didn’t want him to. That just wasn’t who I was.

  “What?” Daniel’s face twisted into confusion, and something that might be anger. “You know you mean more to me than that. Alayna, please, don’t do this.”

  “I don’t know a whole lot about anything, anymore, Daniel. I don’t even know myself anymore. It’s done, please accept that and leave me alone.” I tried to shut the door on him then, but he wouldn’t move.

  “Alayna, this is just…” His hands twisted in his hair, the hair I’d love to pull as he made me come apart in his arms. “I don’t understand what’s going on here.”

  He looked lost, but I wasn’t going to be the one to help him find his place in the world. That wasn’t my job. It was his wife’s.